I know someone who is having struggles. (Surprising?) This person used to tell me it is so awesome that I am always having so much fun and I'm such a good mom and I have it all together. The idea of someone thinking I have it all together makes me want to laugh until I snort. If you know me well, you are probably already snorting. We all, for various reasons, put the "best of" on our blogs, and sometimes in the process get an unrealistic view of what others' lives are like. While I don't intend to really change the style of my posts, I do want others to know that if you're having a hard time, I'm sorry, you're not bad for struggling with things, and I'd love to help if I can. I especially want this one person to know that, so this post is for her.
My kids do their share of screaming and breaking. I have my struggles with anxiety and depression (I hate those guys!). I spend enough time wondering why I am the only one who can't get things all together and organized, why I am so socially awkward, why I don't do all of the things I feel are important, why do I have financial worries and why do I care about it when I'm trying not to and I know it's not important, and on and on. There are times when I would trade my house for a nap. There are times I surf the web longingly, looking at degree programs I'm interested in or jobs I'd like to have. There have been things in my life that have been tough that not many would know about. I feel frumpy a lot of times with my glasses and hair, and oh, my we could all list so many things . . .
I write some of it in my journal, and that helps me deal with stuff. But also, it helps to think about the good things, of which there are so many. Josh may have shattered my Pyrex baking dish, but right now as I type he's putting himself to sleep by singing and counting, and it's adorable. I want to scoop him and kiss him. (Although I won't because he'll never get to bed at this rate . . .) I don't want to turn this into, "I am so good at dealing with stuff," because that would probably be the opposite of helping my struggling friend. But I also don't want to make it sound like I think my life is terrible, because it's not. It's quite wonderful, in fact! I am honest in my blog posts, and if I'm having a rough day I like to go back and smile at them, and remember all of my blessings. My friend Melissa actually photographed her house while sparkling clean so she could go back and look at the pictures any time she is feeling frustrated with messiness . . . not a bad idea.
So I've been sitting on this post for a while (not literally, Josh standing on the computer is how our last one broke), not really sure what kind of conclusion to come to. So here it is - if you're reading my blog and something I say makes you feel inferior, shoot me an email, or comment or whatever. We'll exchange honest banter, use each other's strengths to help each other (we all have different ones!) and we'll all feel better in the end. We all have ups and downs, if we didn't there would be no point to life. But I know our Father in Heaven loves us and wants us to enjoy the ups and help us through the downs, and it is often through one another that He does this. I might not be excellent figuring out how to help, but let me know if I can!
11 comments:
love it! thanks, girl. I was talking with Beckiedick about this...how she had a baby and people didn't tell her things and she thought she was a bad person, but then she'd talk to her mom about her feelings/etc and her mom would say "that is normal" and who knew? I told her that is why reading is important--people are so much more honest with their emotions when expressed through fictional characters.
And for the record, I think you're great.
I think most of us realize that what is posted on the blogs for the most part are things that make us happy. If something made me upset or bawl my eyes out, I probably wouldn't post it. But at the same time, people forget that there is another side that we don't see... and we compare ourselves to the good things that we don't always have. Like you said, Heavenly Father loves us and he does help us through the downs and blesses us with the ups. Someone made a comment about have to hold an activity at a house instead of the church because of lost power and they suggested my house because it is always clean... I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes. It was my visiting teacher. she only comes when I am expecting her and yeah, my house is usually picked up when she comes, in the morning while one of the kids is at school and the other hasn't had a chance to destroy the house yet. If she came right before bedtime, she would never say that again... I think the important thing is to remember to just do your best, whatever that may be, and don't compare yourselves to others.
Sorry that was really long.
I have thought abour this a lot lately as well. My oldest kiddo has been giving me a run for my money, but I haven't really posted about the struggles I have. I think it is important to realize that we all have them, and that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others. We really don't know what is going on in eachother's lives. However, if you ever want to feel better about your house, you can always come to mine :).
I snort too when I laugh really hard, usually just around Adam though :).
Wow, Emily, now that I am through it all I could write a book. I remember all of those feelings. All I can say is that I wish I had known then what I know now. (Why does it work like that? I just barely, kind of, a little bit figured out some important parenting things and being satisfied and then all the kids left.) The learning curve is always present.
Thanks for posting this! I really neeeded to hear it although I'm not sure this post was originally aimed for me. It gave me enough of a boost to hopefully make it to the end of the day without wanting to kill my kids. Just kidding, but not really. :)
beautiful. i always love your posts. witty, funny--- you're the real deal. I've always appreciated the perspective you give on a rough day with the kids
now, if I could just get ONE room cleaned in the house and take a picture of that....
p.s. there's a job opening in NYC as a PR consultant that was looking mighty nice today. two words for you. puke and poop. ALLLLL day.
you're awesome and I really had a good time hanging out with you last weekend.
I agree that blogs kind of reinforce the only seeing the best of others and then comparing it to your own imperfect life. For me, blogging about the good things helps me focus on those good things....but don't we all have our hard days? I do, in fact often many hard days strung in a row.
keep up the good work with your kiddos, they are great.
Gosh Emily I just don't know what your talking about, my life is just perfect all the time. Oh except for that moment last week when Jill called me a "retard" and recently Leah keeps saying "stop it" to everyone and anyone she doesn't agree with, but I am sure that this type of behavior does not reflect my mothering... those are just a few of many special moments at our house. BTW Anxiety and Depression like to visit my house, too!
Emily, I love that you're my sister (even if it's as an in-law). We are similar in SO many ways. A&D are very clingy friends, but I know there is always tomorrow and I'm going to keep trying!
BTW, I survived the weekend and now I can stand without wanting to die. I did spend 80% of Saturday in bed, wishing I was being educated and filling my brain with a healthy dose of adult stuff. (See I can't even think of a word to use...oh how very sad).
Love Ya!
I hadn't read this post until right now (obviously)! It helps me to know I'm not the only one who struggles. Being a stay at home mommie has its hardships but the highs are amazing. And I think we need to remember that we all do put our best on our blogs but EVERYONE struggles. We all have our days and its great to have friends who are there for the yucky and the wonderful times!! And we do our best and we take the good with the bad becuase like you said we wouldn't appreciate the good if it wasn't for the struggles! Well put, Emily!!! And seriously looking at the pictures of my clean untouched house does make me smile! hee hee If people only really knew.
So I don't even know you, and I can't even remember how I found your blog, but I wanted to comment. I love your blog! (Woah! How stalkerish is this of me???) Your writing style is hilariously refreshing.
I also wanted to comment on this particular post. I really appreciate you writing it b/c I know that when I sit down to jump from blog to blog, I end up being in a bad mood b/c so-and-so is so perfect, they have 20 amazing kids, and their house is clean. AND they do crafts. Poor poor me. And then I remember why I started blogging - not to brag or to show only the good things, but to chronicle details of my life - the good, the bad, the ugly. So thanks for your thoughts in this post - I really needed this reminder today. And good luck with the new baby!!
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