Letters

This is from 2008, RSS people just ignore. Another in the "keeping track" series. It's for me, me, meeeeee!

I hope it's okay that I forwarded your letter to my mom. I wanted her to know what you said about her because I know it will make her so happy. Plus, sometimes my mom is way better at saying things than I am - she's got a lot more experience being a mom than me. I don't know if I ever told you that her mom was a good lady, but not the best mom. She screamed a ton, swore like a sailor, and slapped my mom if she didn't like what she said. So, my mom knows a lot about overcoming one's upbringing. She did a great job, and always says she hopes we can do even better than her. I don't know, but it's amazing that because of her efforts, my kids are now two generations away from such treatment.


Being a stay at home mom was a big adjustment for me. I taught for the first year of Josh's life, while my husband was finishing his masters' program. It was really hard to be a good mom and a good teacher at the same time, and I really don't want that life for my children. However, when I first started staying home it was a struggle to get through each day. As I've done it more and more, I've started to learn how to enjoy the kids and my life. It's not easy by any means. I am exhausted much of the time. But that Anna Quindlen quote in Elder Ballard's talk really gets to me. I don't want to wish these years away and then wish they were back. So, I need to have a change of heart.

What kind of mom am I? I like to read to my kids, dance around in our pajamas, sit on the kitchen floor and eat crackers and cheese, you know, whatever they like. Some days I lose sight of things and get really frustrated when it takes me so darn long to get dressed and get out of the house. And then when I come home from the store, there's still a breakfast mess and yogurty footprints on the counter. Adjusting to 2 wasn't easy, but I'm getting there. I'd like more sleep, but Noah is so darn precious at this age, I'm just trying to drink him in. I try to keep the house clean, but it gets really overwhelming if I worry about it too much. I also think two year old boys have a permanent layer of grime one them, and there's nothing I can do. I love to give him chances to get dirty, but I scrub him up every night. Yes, we bought our house here. It's small, 1600 square feet, but the floor plan is good, and they were able to fit 4 bedrooms in. We were only looking for 3, so it was a bonus. We really like the community. It's pretty and quiet and lots of families. Tell me about where you live.

I have felt really overwhelmed when listening to conference talks, too. I have to keep telling myself that the Lord wouldn't want me to feel that way, so I should just relax, but relaxing isn't always my strong suit. Please know that it is one of Satan's lies that you are not worthy of love from the Father. He wants us to feel like we can't make it, because that's the first step to not making it. It works on me, too, and it's just the worst. The Savior made a tremendous sacrifice so we could have a chance to strengthen our weaknesses, and he wants to help us. It's hard to remember, and a lot of times I find I don't make progress until I plead for it. The Lord accepts baby steps, though, I really feel like that's all I can do. You deserve time off and time away so you can refresh and recharge, not as a reward for certain things accomplished. This doula thing is a great goal for you, it will be something to get into.
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