Not Just Another Post

Depending on how you look at it, sometime this fall our home will feature something like one of these:

Confused? Got a lot of questions? There are three posts I have been hiding for months that should answer anything you wonder. You can find the first one here, the second one here, and the third one here.

"Getting Free"

Look, it's a boy! A little baby Josh, who burst on the scene unexpectedly early 3 years ago. Josh likes to talk a lot lately about when he was born. I told him about how the first time I held him he stared right at me. He seriously stared right into my soul, like he was sizing me up. I felt like he was determining if I was a good enough person. Ever since I told him that story a couple of weeks ago, Josh will say, "Remember when I was a baby and I looked at you like this?" And he'll look right at me, but it's funny with his little grin attached.Then suddenly he was one, loving his birthday party, but shy to be the center of attention once the cake came out.

The second birthday really made an impression, because he has talked about this cake ever since then. He was so excited to get a new bike he kept saying, "Thank you, dad, thank you," over and over.

The second birthday was such a big deal to him he has been planning on the third birthday for months. He sung the birthday song, had us all practice blowing out candles, and told me quite often, "Right now I'm 2, but on my birthday I'm getting free (3)." I'm pretty sure he expected to literally be bigger on his birthday.

Well, the big day arrived, and even though it was low-key, I don't think it was a disappointment to him. I love little kids! My mom invited us to her house for his birthday so we could all celebrate together. There's nothing better than cousins to make Josh happy, so it all worked out. It all started out with a waffle breakfast made by my dad. In this breakfast picture I said, "Smile like it's Josh's birthday!" and this was the result. (Sorry, Tate.)

Josh played with his cousins outside all day, so much so that he got blisters on his nose from sunburn. Oops. Josh and Tate decided drinking water from bowls would be a great activity to keep the party going right.

So this year's cake wasn't as adorable as last year's Elmo, but it looks like he still loves it, right?

Finally, the dream coming true . . . (Was it mean to spread the candles out so, or did it just keep the dream alive longer?)

He was excited about this gift from grandma (Gary's mom). He's been building with it ever since.

Gary and I gave Josh these trucks. When he opened up the package he said, "Holy cow!" and then he saw that it came with a hard hat and said, "Oh, a hat, too!" He knows how to make his parents feel like a million bucks. (He also loves his jacket, shirt, and swimming pool from grandmas, by the way.)

Oh, Joshy, I love you so much. You make me laugh and smile every day. I hope that when you sized me up that day 3 years ago I seemed up to the standard of being your mom, because you are a precious gift to me.

Bonus Josh stories from the day:

We took Josh to a community baseball game because my brother in law in on the team, and Josh loves baseball. He loved pretending to bat while the real batters where hitting. A lady saw him and thought it was cute and asked, "How old are you?" Josh looked up at me like he was trying to make sure it was okay to say what he was planning to. I gave a smile and he proudly said, "THREE!"

I took Josh (and myself) to the bathroom at the game. The bathroom door was bolted open, and I foolishly chose the stall that opens right in front of it. The door locked, so no big deal, right? Well, when it was my turn Josh unlocked and opened the door wide open. I was panicked, "Josh shut the door or everyone will see me going pee!" And I slammed it. As soon as I let go Josh opened the door and yelled, "Hey, everybody, don't watch my mom going pee!" Gary said, "Oh, man, that's the oldest trick in the book." Thanks, guys.

Arizona Knows How to Party

While trying to title this post, for some reason a certain Tupac song (um, the only one I know) kept running through my head. Trying singing it - Arizona has the same number of syllables as California, so it's a perfect head-running classic . . . um, yeah, so we went to Arizona last week! Gary's brother Christian and wife Candacy live there with "Josh's cousins," and have for two years, so we finally snuck an opportunity to go down and see them. I had never been to Arizona beyond driving through the corners, so it was fun for me to see what it's all about. Surprisingly, I did not hate the heat. There's plenty to do to beat it, and swimming to avoid the heat is fun, much better than going to McDonald's playland to avoid the cold, so I say hooray, Arizona!

Anyway, as for the visit . . . we went swimming at the pool and in the back yard, went out to dinner, got to see our nieces in their end-of-school shows (cute, for real), visited the "ice-cream store" (that's Josh lingo for Coldstone), celebrated Mother's Day (two Dads are better than one when giving Moms a break), went to "the movie place and ate popcorn and soda in the dark" (quote by guess-who), and got to talk lots with our awesome and very welcoming hosts. Oh, and bonus: Got to watch Deadliest Catch, which we have been missing due to my axing of most of our channels. (Gary might think watching the Laker games was more of a bonus- ESPN got axed, too- but Gary has yet to get me to care about the Lakers, sorry hon . . . and go Jazz.)

Here is Josh with Sydney in their princess pool. Sydney is so good with Josh, he really adores her, and does not at all mind that the pool is princess-emblazoned. Sydney even listened to Josh when he starting going off about the time he went to a basketball game with Dave . . . thanks, Syd. This contraption in their back yard was Noah's dream come true. Yeah, we got a list of ideas to get for our kids now . . .

Here's Jill and Josh at the splash pad. Besides sharing a common first-letter, they also share a love of silliness, so they get along. He still talks about how Jill misses him.

Noah loved the splash pad, too, and did not mind getting in the water one bit.

This tunnel was Josh's favorite feature at the splash pad. He said when he runs through it "it is so awesome." He didn't know the names for the other water features, so in classic Josh fashion he made one up. Me: Josh, what were you doing just now? Josh: Running with Jill in those pazizms.

Josh and Leah loved riding on these plasma cars together. Leah also loved playing with Noah, and Noah thought following her around was a hoot. Click here to see how Leah likes to pretend she's Noah now. (Oh, yeah, Noah walked more than 3 steps for the first time on Mother's Day. I think it was about 10, but now he's starting to really go.)

On the way home we drove over a very small piece of the Grand Canyon. It was a first in all of our lives, so we stopped to view the beauty. I look nutty in this picture but Noah is funny and the scenery is great. The sacrifices I make.

Gary and his boys enjoying a rest at Navajo Bridge. Very pretty stop.

And then we made it home safe and sound, the end.

The Easter Blessing

This is my niece Madeline with my parents on her blessing day. Isn't she adorable? She was blessed on Easter Sunday, so our festivities were spent with my family. I posted earlier about how there were concerns about Madeline's health, but never followed up on that. She has now been officially diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, and I want to get out some of my thoughts about it, but first a little bit about the Easter frivolities. All the cousins on Easter, looking great in their Easter best, except Gary and Emily's kids . . . it seems they were given new shirts from San Diego by their grandmother, and couldn't wait to wear them. Oh well, I still think they're cute, and I am amused that Josh is the gorilla amongst the church-goers.

A little egg-dying action. (Nope, can't wear a shirt for that.)

Noah celebrated Easter by crawling around trying to get people to feed him. Everyone obliged, so it was a great day for Noah.

The Big Egg Hunt.

Easter was a very sunny day, but even so Sophie and Josh found a puddle of water to play in. It was hilarious to me because the puddle was so small but they were determined to take advantage of it.

I was there, too! Here's Josh's bounty, and also his face while saying, "Cheeeese." I'm trying to think of a word that will bring about a different expression. Then again, I like this face.

Now a small digression. Madeline was officially diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis about 3 weeks ago. When my sister called to tell me, I started out by trying to list all of the positive things I could think of, but then just stopped and said, "This really stinks, though, go ahead and cry." So she did. And I did. I cried on the phone with Sarah and afterwards, because my poor little niece has a lot to deal with in life, and because my poor little sister was crying about her baby. I was able to dry my tears and have a fine evening, but then woke up with a start in the middle of the night. Josh has had a lot of digestive issues in his life. I have a 50% chance of being a CF carrier . . . could Josh have CF, too? I was gripped with panic. I shot out of my bed and ran to Josh's room to lick his forehead. (One of the symptoms of CF is that they taste salty. Licking the child's forehead is something parents are actually told to do when CF is in question.) Josh passed his 3 a.m. lick test, which should have made the whole thing amusing to me, but it wasn't. I was sad to hear about my niece having the disease, but the thought of my own child having it was a dagger to the heart. I realized at that moment that not only is my sister going through more than I can imagine, but that none of us can really know what others are going through unless we experience their sadnesses ourselves. To that degree, I want to be a better listener, a better helper, and extend more sympathy towards others.

Which brings me back to Easter. Although we didn't know exactly what was wrong with her at the time, we knew there was something. And as she was blessed that Easter Sunday, I felt a special significance in the occasion. Madeline's body has a lot to deal with right now, but it won't forever. Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus Christ, which makes it possible for everyone to have their body forever someday, free of problems. So in the long run Madeline's body will be as perfect as her little spirit. My sister and her husband are doing much better with this whole thing now, and we know that Madeline will have a great life, pretty close to normal. But whenever there are problems, we can be comforted by the promise that has been extended to all, that we celebrated on the day of her blessing. Someday all of the physical ailments will be gone and death will no longer separate us from loved ones, because Jesus Christ was resurrected. That is a reason to celebrate!

Heads Up 7 Up, Anyone?

Right at this moment kids are watching mindless videos and playing heads-up 7-Up at school instead of learning. They are being put in unsafe situations that are later reported on the news. Their teachers are teaching with fevers of 102 and laryngitis and turning down professional development opportunities because they are afraid of what will happen while they're gone. Why? Lack of qualified substitute teachers. Now, please don't think I'm saying they're all bad. There are some fantastic ones, bless them!!! However, they are usually booked far in advance, and the last minute sick-teacher ends up with someone who leaves kindergartners alone so they can run into the road. So now, imagine that a certified teacher with a current license and 3 years of classroom experience applies to be a substitute, what do you think would happen? When I was a teacher I would have said, "Bless your existence! I'm booking you for my entire career!" Well, I am a currently licensed teacher with 3 years of experience who recently applied for the substitute job, and I will tell you exactly what happened.

Two months ago I made the 20+ minute journey to the district office in the snow, with two small children in tow. I turned in my substitute application, but could not talk to the person in charge of hiring because she was out of the office. However, I did watch the application be placed in a basket with her (I'll call her "G") name on it. I was told she makes calls every now and then for interviews, so to wait for that.

I waited a month and a half, and decided to call and follow up. Should have called sooner, but I was occupied with stuff and didn't want to bother them. I actually talked to G this time. She got my name and phone number, and said she'd look up my application and call me back. I personally thought she could have just put me on hold, but okay, whatever. I waited a week for her to "look up my application," but never did she call. So I called her again. She said, "Oh, yes, I have looked all over and couldn't find that application, could you fill out another one and fax it to me? I actually just did a bunch of sub interviews yesterday, but I think I could get you set up by the end of the year." Um, why didn't she tell me BEFORE the interviews that I needed to fill out a new application, especially since I told her I'd dropped it off March 3rd?!

G promised that as soon as I faxed her the new application she'd call me back. Okay, I was willing, and really fine with everything up to this point. I faxed that application within two hours, and a couple hours after that received a phone call that went exactly like this:

G: I wanted to let you know I received your application, but just now had time to call, but I did receive it. (Voice sounds like the conversation is over.)
Me: Okay, so what do I need to do?
G: Um, do you have your fingerprints?
Me: I don't know if you noticed on the application, but I have a current license on file with the state. (Everyone with a current license has fingerprints on file.)
G: Yeah, I notice you're a teacher, but I have to check in CACTUS (the database for stuff like that) and see if they have your fingerprints still.
Me: Do they destroy those?
G: Well, I don't know, but if they're not there then you'd have to come in here and get them done, so I have to check. (Voice sounds like she is trying really hard to get off the phone.)
Me: So . . .
G: I'll call you sometime and let you know what we need. (Voice says, "Bye, now.")
Me: (Trying hard to keep her on the phone to give me a definite directive) Well, yeah, I can do anything whenever you need.
G: Ok (Real short, real trying-to-end-the-conversation)
Me: I'm available for interviews any time.
G: Ok, bye.

And that's it, folks. To be fair, G is probably overworked and underpaid, but wow. Remember when I was on the Doug Wright show addressing the substitute teacher topic . . . is my experience isolated, or are there qualified people all over the place getting the brush? Maybe they'll call me on Monday, and this rant is useless, but it has been 2 months . . .

The Boys - Amusing Yet Unrelated Vignettes

The sport of the moment was football-at-bedtime. Josh and his dad were tossing the ball back and forth when suddenly Josh said, "Uh, oh, I need my helmet!" and ran away. When he came back from rummaging in the garage, he had his helmet on, and although it made playing extremely difficult for him, Josh was determined to play the game like it should be played.Josh is a big Kris Allen (American Idol) fan, because he plays the guitar. Whenever Josh sees a guitar number he runs and gets his dad's guitar (poor Gary, the thing's never in tune for more than two seconds). On this particular occasion, I cleaned the entire kitchen while Josh watched and played along with the previous night's number over and over again. He calls it, "Playing the guy song." (I debated whether to share, given the outfit, but he's still under 3 for a month . . .)

Josh loves to help me cook. On this particular occasion he helped me make an entire chocolate cake from scratch. It took a very long time and our kitchen was very messy, but look at him . . . he calls himself "the mixer guy."

Noah's starting to show signs of being an adventure-kid. He loves this slide. If you sit him at the top, he'll push himself off, and loves it. In this picture he's concentrating pretty hard, but sometimes he sits and claps for a minute before taking the plunge.

Hee, hee, Noah . . . he emptied this drawer of bibs and climbed in himself.

So, I took several pictures of Noah in the drawer, and someone got jealous. "Take a picture of me eating pineapple!" Josh said. It's a pretty incredible photo.

Lately they're turning into the 2 Musketeers, collaborating for their destruction. Both of them were pretty darn pleased to have this bag of Craisins all over the floor. It was a small bag and they were so happy to be in cahoots . . .

After a nutritious breakfast, what do two little boys want to do while mom cleans up? Go outside and eat rocks, of course. When they first started doing this several weeks ago, Gary and I tried to make them stop, but soon determined it wasn't worth it, we'd have to keep them inside. Rocks are a staple item for boys.

And last but not least, when Mom is mowing the lawn, does a good man just let her do it all by herself? Of course not! Josh grabbed the craft scissors (he pronounces it "crap scissors") and started working on the front strip. Thanks, man.

Guess Who's Back?

Gary, that's who! After months of LONG working hours, the legislative session is over. Our kids went for days at a time without seeing their dad, and he went for days at a time on only a couple of hours of sleep. He even slept (for an hour or two) in his office once, but said being awakened by the janitor was awkward, so he came home, even for short stints, after that. At one point Gary left this note for me, and I kept it hanging on the fridge for the rest of the time, just to keep myself convinced. Funny thing at this point is . . . I started this post a month ago! Now we've had him back to normal for a bit, and we love it. Or is it the weather? Both! The day after the session ended we took the opportunity to take our kids to the open house of the Draper Utah Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Although we did a lot of waiting, the kids were troopers and Josh made everyone smile as he excitedly pointed out picture after picture of Jesus. We came to a point where we were given a small presentation I was positive Josh was not listening to, but when the guy finished talking, Josh told us exactly where we had been told to go for cookies, so maybe he heard just a little bit of something else, too . . .

Although the picture is sunny, it was actually really cold, and this shot was the best we could do. We might not look perfect, but we were really happy to be together and to have this opportunity.

The next weekend Gary cashed in his birthday present - going skiing! Lucky me, he picked me as his ski partner even though the gift specified he could choose anyone. My mom was awesome enough to keep the boys with her while we hit the slopes. Perfect, except for one thing. I haven't been skiing forever, so this was Gary . . .

. . . but this was me.

Yeah, I wasn't the awesomest, but I got tons better as the day went on, which convinced me that we probably need to go again several times. Gary said I "exceeded expectations" (because I set them so low), so I'm feeling pretty good about my skills. We had a great time, it was fun to feel like a dating couple again. I wish we had a cute little picture of us with our rosy cheeks and ski gear, but I am so bad at walking in ski boots the idea of going to get the camera and then put it back caused pain, so I took a mental picture. We look good in it.

So that's us a month ago. Things have been hectic since then, but that's not a bad thing. Don't think I haven't been reading your blog, because I have, just in stalker-fashion from Google Reader. You look great.

Great and Not So Great

Great news! I have another new nephew, son of Gary's brother Drew and his wife Stacey. You can see him here, he's cute and his siblings are really adorable with him. Yes, he's a month old, but I haven't blogged in a while, and he's worth the wait, right?

Other great news - my niece Madeline is still adorable! Not as great news, while she has increased much in wisdom, not so much in stature. Click here to read what Sarah learned about her last week. I am posting it here because many of you may know Sarah, and I'm sure any small prayer will help.

Finding Joy - A Great Link

I just got the biggest boost from a talk I read. My friend Krista gave it at a women's conference in Arizona, and I feel so good I have to share. It's on finding joy, and you can read it here. Keep in mind she posted it in 6 parts, so while this link is to the last part, it contains a link that allows you to read starting at part 1. Man, I think I've got the strength to go running now . . .

Going Above And Beyond

Some teachers allow you to use things from other classes in their class, and others don't. I don't know if this fits in the rules posted below, but since I have been spending a lot of time doing algebra and other stuff lately, I am using my 25 random things I wrote for facebook a month or so ago and posting it for this tag. So that's actually going the extra mile, right?

1. Link this post to the person who tagged you: Julie

2. Post the rules on your blog.

3. List 6 random things about yourself.

4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post.

5. Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

1. I work for BYU Independent Study testing their courses before they are published. This is extremely part time (I only do it once every 3 months or so), but when I have a course, it's time intensive. That's why I'm doing algebra right now, algebra 2, part 2 to be exact. (Okay, so I changed #1, but all of the rest are the same.)

2. I only receive texts from Rascall Flats. (Until two weeks ago when texting was added to my plan for free.)

3. When I was 5, I was positive I would be an Olympic gymnast. I had a Mary Lou Retton leotard that I wore to school to prove it.

4. When I was 12, I was still positive I was going to the Olympics, only it would be for track. (Didn't give this up until I was around 15 . . .)

5. I love learning languages, and could get by in Mandarin Chinese and German for a while (more so Chinese), but have never had the chance to get fluent. Sad. However, I used (past tense) to be able to say hello and thank you in at least 25 languages (7 of them Polynesian . . .)

6. I used to be a tour guide at the Polynesian Cultural Center in Hawaii, so if anyone needs to know how to make tapa, poi, or a love-from-the-tourists-generating headband, I've got your back.

7. I am cooking sausages as I type this.

8. I once burnt my face half-off with boiling lemon pudding. Should have had terrible scars my whole life, but I was miraculously healed. Seriously. A small part of it was due to me offering to snorkel in cold saline at the E.R.

9. I grew up battling the "smart geek" image, but ever since I went into education in college people don't think I'm smart anymore. Woo-hoo?

10. A very large part of me wants to go back to a college dance party. High school would work too, it's just getting hard to remember back that far.

11. I actually met most of my friends at BYU-Hawaii at a dance. Cannot describe those legendary dances. (But if you're reading CS 205, you are a legend, too.)

12. I am wondering right now if something can be legendary if no one probably ever really talks about it, I just think about it in my mind occasionally. Something tells me probably not.

13. I killed a fly for the first time last summer.

14. The sausages are done.

15. I was pregnant with my second baby for 24 days longer than I carried my first. Longest 24 days of my life.

16. Once I was watching TV and playing with a tiny for-kids-to-play-with cup, and it got stuck on my lips. I had to have assistance to pull it off. My lips were HUGE and purple for quite a while.

17. I hated math in high school because it was boring, but when I learned about how it could be cool in my methods class in college I became obsessed with it. I was the school math coordinator, on the district math committee, went to tons of trainings and conferences, and if I could get a master's degree right now that's what it would be. Why does mainstream education stick with the less-effective hated version?

18. I was in a modern dance number at BYU-H where I had to wear black and writhe around on the floor symbolizing the anguish of the people of Singapore when their country was overtaken. I almost never think about that, think I've blocked it.

19. I love to watch sports. I really like playing sports, too, but hardly ever do because I feel stupid that I never really had a chance to learn how.

20. I won a partners pickle ball tournament in P.E. in high school. Since no one ever plays I can claim prowess in that sport.

21. My friends and I took D.I. shopping (and t-shirt making, and strange finds at the mall) to the next-next level in high school. The goal was not to be the most fashionable, but the awesomest (funniest). I long for the days when I could throw on a sweet Neil Diamond shirt with my denim shorts and look great. (Or surprise everyone with a blue polyester cowboy hat or the biggest bell bottoms ever, or, sigh . . .)

22. I want to move to a lovely island and wear a slimming muu muu and hug my babies and run in the sun and NOT think about how I look.

23. Used to make a lot of tiger traps with my sisters in our back alley when I was 6.

24. My first tape was Debbie Gibson. (Only in My Dreams, Shake Your Love, . . .)

25. The day I turned 25 I accidentally took a Lortab instead of my allergy medicine and was too loopy to walk home from church. My mom thought I did it on purpose because I didn't want to be 25. I think that is the funniest part.

Okay, you have to realize that this was a random stream of consciousness, one thing just led to another and I typed along, so I don't know that these are the 25 things that define me most, but I followed the rules . . . they're random!

P.S. When I posted this on facebook people commented about why I want the muu muu to be slimming if I don't want to care how I look . . . anyone with muu muu experience can testify that overly-large ones (as they do tend to be), can seriously interfere with beach running.

Very Cheap Diapers for You

You may have already read about this on pinchingyourpennies.com or someone else's website, but I thought I'd pass it along anyway. If you get on http://www.diapers.com/, spend $49, and use this code, you will get $10 off your order, free shipping, and it will arrive in 2 business days. Here's the code:

GIBB2456


Then, print your receipt and also this rebate:
http://www.diapers.com/helpcenter/parenting.htm
It's a $14.97 rebate!
UPDATE: This link does not work right now. Worked for me and a couple of others, but I don't currently know what's going on. Hopefully I can figure it out and give good news . . .

So it's $25 off in all. I got a big Sam's Club/Costco size box of Huggies, a pack of swim diapers, and two boxes of baby cereal for $26.50 once the rebate comes. ($41.50 before the rebate, which is still pretty darn good.) Also I get a credit for everyone who uses the code, so there is a referral thing in there for you, too. I read about this on PYP, but later found out I could use a friend's code and did that instead. I think this is for March only as far as I can see . . .

So there you go, my first time blogging about a deal. Probably won't go in the blog book . . .

P.S. The code only works for first time diapers.com users, but the rebate works for everyone who hasn't used it yet. Also, there is $5 off Huggies here: http://print.coupons.com/couponweb/Offers.aspx?pid=13306&zid=iq37&nid=10. Don't know how long that link will work. Okay, it's all out of my system.

Reflections on Pregnancy

Expenses you don't count in when thinking of pregnancy:
^Antacids. I go through sooooo much of it.
^ Those nights when you're just too tired to cook and end up "grabbing something."
^ When nothing else sounds good but expensive things like Quiznos and Raisin Nut Bran.

Hunger . . . Pregnancy has always made me hungry. Nursing has always made me hungrier. So now combine them (what I am doing now). It is a VERY hungry state of affairs.

Is checking someone else's Algebra 2 over while dealing with morning sickness a form of torture in some countries?

Are soda crackers and ginger ale part of a complete breakfast?

If you were so lucky as to have an easy time being pregnant, the only people who want to hear about it are other people like you. Unless you are one of those people who are good at feeling sorry that others may have a real hard time, even though you didn't, then okay, let's chat, I really appreciate you!

I had an awful time with weight gain/loss in the Josh pregnancy, but got lucky after Noah. I have been having a ton of fun fitting into clothes I haven't worn for 3 1/2 years, hooray! But then this last week, they haven't been fitting or looking right. Man, my tummy is lumpy, I thought . . . oh, yeah, I'm pregnant.

This seems odd on a list with the others, but since I'm adding to it little by little, here goes. In the last few weeks, especially the last few days, when I have been terribly exhausted and at times visciously nauseous, I have had negative-leaning thoughts. But then I have times when I get the chance to reflect on just how precious my children are, and what an amazing miracle it is to be a part in their arrival here on earth. I am so blessed to be in a position to have them. Words can't express the feelings in my heart right now as I listen to them sing and giggle and play with their wonderful daddy who loves them. A little sickness, a little messy house . . . surely I can do it if this is the result.


P.S. At publishing time - I'll just leave this one . . . I can always collect more reflections later. Oh, yes, except I'm glad to report the nausea lessened then went away after the first trimester. Exhaustion is still my constant companion, but I'm told that's normal. I'm normal!

The Skinny on Noah

That's right, my poor baby boy is getting skinny . . . for a chubby guy. Noah didn't eat much when he was sick for so many weeks in a row, and so when I took him in for his 9 month appointment last week he had actually lost weight, slipping below the 22 lb. mark to 21 lbs, 8 oz., and falling below the 70th percentile . . . and then I swear he gained it all back in 3 days once his appetite returned. I have no proof of this but my sore back. He has grown taller, though, and is now 29.5 inches, right about the 90th percentile.

I know the classic mom line is "they grow so fast," but it's because they do! All of the sudden he is a little-kid-baby, all over the place exploring. Here he is making words on the fridge. (Okay, that's a stretch, he's learning that the letter 'd' tastes great.) He's suddenly so interested in stuff he can't stay still for a second. On the developmental handout the doctor gave me it said, "Between the ages of 9 and 12 months, your child may begin to . . ." and one of the points listed was, "Resist diapering." I thought, wow, my child is really ahead of the other kids, he's been resisting diapering for months! I was trying to get a picture of him the morning after his appointment for documenting purposes, and this is just one of many failed attempts.

It might be a sleepy look, but this is the only photo he'd give me . . . I'll take it!

(And yes, I do spend a ton of time kissing his cheeks. When he grows up and they thin out it will be a very sad occasion.)

My So-Called Life

I know someone who is having struggles. (Surprising?) This person used to tell me it is so awesome that I am always having so much fun and I'm such a good mom and I have it all together. The idea of someone thinking I have it all together makes me want to laugh until I snort. If you know me well, you are probably already snorting. We all, for various reasons, put the "best of" on our blogs, and sometimes in the process get an unrealistic view of what others' lives are like. While I don't intend to really change the style of my posts, I do want others to know that if you're having a hard time, I'm sorry, you're not bad for struggling with things, and I'd love to help if I can. I especially want this one person to know that, so this post is for her.

My kids do their share of screaming and breaking. I have my struggles with anxiety and depression (I hate those guys!). I spend enough time wondering why I am the only one who can't get things all together and organized, why I am so socially awkward, why I don't do all of the things I feel are important, why do I have financial worries and why do I care about it when I'm trying not to and I know it's not important, and on and on. There are times when I would trade my house for a nap. There are times I surf the web longingly, looking at degree programs I'm interested in or jobs I'd like to have. There have been things in my life that have been tough that not many would know about. I feel frumpy a lot of times with my glasses and hair, and oh, my we could all list so many things . . .

I write some of it in my journal, and that helps me deal with stuff. But also, it helps to think about the good things, of which there are so many. Josh may have shattered my Pyrex baking dish, but right now as I type he's putting himself to sleep by singing and counting, and it's adorable. I want to scoop him and kiss him. (Although I won't because he'll never get to bed at this rate . . .) I don't want to turn this into, "I am so good at dealing with stuff," because that would probably be the opposite of helping my struggling friend. But I also don't want to make it sound like I think my life is terrible, because it's not. It's quite wonderful, in fact! I am honest in my blog posts, and if I'm having a rough day I like to go back and smile at them, and remember all of my blessings. My friend Melissa actually photographed her house while sparkling clean so she could go back and look at the pictures any time she is feeling frustrated with messiness . . . not a bad idea.

So I've been sitting on this post for a while (not literally, Josh standing on the computer is how our last one broke), not really sure what kind of conclusion to come to. So here it is - if you're reading my blog and something I say makes you feel inferior, shoot me an email, or comment or whatever. We'll exchange honest banter, use each other's strengths to help each other (we all have different ones!) and we'll all feel better in the end. We all have ups and downs, if we didn't there would be no point to life. But I know our Father in Heaven loves us and wants us to enjoy the ups and help us through the downs, and it is often through one another that He does this. I might not be excellent figuring out how to help, but let me know if I can!

Can I Hide the Exaustion?

I really want to keep this baby a secret for now, but I am totally exhausted today. The pregnancy-insomnia/sleeping hard/odd dreams have started, and I don't know what gets me wearier, those, or just the normal pregnancy-sleepy. Anyway, I have been trying hard to be positive about things like economic woes, messy house, etc., but my mom and my sister called me today and . . . I was too tired to hide it. I don't want people to think I'm negative and lame, but like I said, I want to keep this to myself for now. So, mom and Cindy, when you read this, my apologies for the lack of enthusiasm that one day in early March. And my apologies to everyone I treat less-than-excitedly for the next 7 weeks or so . . . I had it steeled in my brain that I will be wonder woman, so I guess I'll just go re-steel right now.



P.S., months later at publishing time.



Anyone reading this will now know why I haven't blogged/commented on blogs much for a while.



They will know why I don't call people to do stuff.



They will know why the wreck at my house was at the next level.



They will know why I looked like I wasn't going to make it through several meetings.



They will know why I was so darn sleepy at Matthew's graduation festivities.



They will hopefully know that I feel really happy because although it's been harder, we've actually had a great couple of months as a family. Sure there were low-lights, but highlights along with them.

You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy . . .

. . . but it just might be a lunatic you're looking for. I don't know why you might be looking for one, but I had to finish the song before dispensing my news . . . which is that we found out this week that we are expecting a baby on November 2! Yes, I am excited for real, although it doesn't seem real at this point. I know it in my head, but I don't know that the whole thing has sunk in really. I tried to look up the progression of my baby on the internet, to see if it would make it seem more real to me. I learned that my baby is the size of a sesame seed and consists of three layers of cells. That wasn't as endearing as I'd hoped.

I have debated what I'll say to people about this. Even at this moment I'm typing a post that I don't plan to publish for quite a long time, and it may not be the same words by then. (It's March 1 right now.) This baby (I'm thinking it's probably a boy) will be 17 months younger than Noah. People tend to think things about that, and while it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks, this has been, and will continue to be, a period of spiritual trying and growth for me. I thought it would be more uplifting for me and everyone if I shared these feelings rather than field the, "Oops!" comments and questions.

When Noah was a little over a week old, I felt way better than expected. After feeling terrible for SO long after Josh's birth, I was elated to find I had survived my first day of taking care of two children. The house was clean (my mom had just left), my boys were beautiful and precious, my husband was wonderful . . . it was one of those moments where everything was right and my heart was about to burst with gratitude and joy. As I knelt down to thank my Father in Heaven, I had an impression that I could do this (have a baby) again soon, as in kids about a year and a half apart. Then, the next day a terrible infection hit me hard and landed me in the E.R., life happened, and then I forgot about the whole thing. But Heavenly Father did not.

Throughout the last 9 months (that is how old Noah is), I have had various things happen to me where the idea was brought back to my mind. Usually this was accompanied by me saying, "Am I crazy, having this stuff come into my head? I'm not that good at doing what I already do!" Some of the experiences are long and/or too sacred to me to share in this forum, but one I don't mind writing was a dream. In the dream Noah had a twin, but I had lost the twin. I was so sad, looking all over and realizing it was my fault the twin was missing. Just as I was about to wake up, I realized it wasn't a twin, but a baby not too much younger than Noah. This really stuck in my mind, and joining that with all of the other things (many which are more significant than that), we decided to say that we were willing to have another baby if the Lord wanted to send one. Apparently he wants to.

In the weeks where I was waiting to find out whether or not I was pregnant, I felt I was going nuts. Scared it would happen, scared it wouldn't. A major rollercoaster of emotions that had me constantly on-edge. When we finally found out the news, a calm came over me, and lasted for an entire week. I honestly felt sooo much better, even though thinking about it for real lead to lots of inadequate feelings. I know that peace is from above, and that even though I don't feel organized enough to do it all, I know that it's the right thing for our family right now. I know that we have enough love, and all of the other things I feel like I don't have enough of will work out. I am excited to meet this little person Heavenly Father feels is so important to send. But I am also excited to enjoy my boys (all three of them) this summer, and spend as much time as possible together before things change.

P.S., at publishing time:

Okay, so I'm leaving it that way. If someone takes the time to read it, they can know the information, I say. I'm still nervous for everyone to know (I've just felt so private about this baby), but I'm running out of things to wear. And yes, I do know now that it's a boy. I am a part of a study on pre-term birth (Josh was a day pre-term, so they want me in), and as part of the study I got an ultrasound the other day. Even though I am just under 17 weeks right now, they could tell. I was happy and smiling at that ultrasound the whole time. Must be meant to be. Exciting!

The Grape Thief, the Superfan, and Other Tales from Indoors

Noah is pretty pumped about his new motor skills (climbing, in particular). We continue to stay mostly in our house to try to get these kids better, so he's had lots of chances to test things out. Josh engineered this experience - taking all of the couch cushions off creating a little jump land. Noah climbed up here himself. Can you tell he's pleased?

Before you say I'm so good and mellow to let them do this, I'll point out a few things. 1. The couch is not exactly new and awesome. 2. I've had plenty of breaking point moments this week with all of the whining and tormenting and general indoor-naughtiness that has occurred due to our shut-in, so this balances it out. 3. What else is a kid supposed to do after so long?

Noah is finding all of the standard kid-joys to be joyous, like climbing on the dishwasher. I realized yesterday that the cuteness of such activities changes dramatically over time. I thought the dishwasher thing was cute. He got ahold of a bar of soap, and as I cleaned him up I exclaimed, "Oh, look at those tiny little finger holes you made in it." At the grocery store he stole a grape from the back of the cart and ate it. "Oh, you funny boy," I said. I mean, these are real kid things to do. He's just exploring and loving his new-found skills. But if Josh did these things . . . reprimands in every case. I'm not planning to change my ways, it's just an observation.

Josh called my mom and told her all about his plans to wear his helmet and his light shoes and go "down and play a BYU football game." So, for lack of helmets available to purchase, my mom got him this hat. I took a picture of him in his hat with my phone, and sent it to my mom. I then took his picture later that night with the real camera. Seems like I started something with that one. The next morning he woke up and said, "Mom, take a picture of me in my hat."
Later on that day he begged me, "Mom, take a picture of me in my hat."

And again the next morning (you can tell it's a different day because the food is in different spots on his face). "Mom, take a picture of me in my hat."

Do you think he likes it?

As for me, I didn't take a picture of myself doing it, but I had to get out, so I borrowed the neighbor's double jogging stroller and went on a little run. It felt great, but I felt like such a mom. I even got a cat-call from someone in a big truck. You know how when you get those you don't know if you're really lookin' good or if some one's mocking you . . .well, this time I didn't wonder. Oh, well, I might try to buy a used one anyway, and embrace what I am wholeheartedly. Why not?